Wednesday, 18 April 2012

It wasn't meant to be this way

Really it wasn't. This wasn't how I imagined my life, back when I daydreamed my way through high school. Or while I did battle with fruit flies at Uni.

I was going to be glamorous and successful (hmm, define successful?) with a gorgeous house and perfect children. (Actually, I don't remember ever daydreaming about children...I knew I wanted some, they just didn't feature in my daydreams.)

There would be international travel and cocktail parties, dinner parties with sparkling conversation and mini-breaks in country hotels.

I would wear high heels every day, teamed with effortlessly stylish outfits. I would stop traffic and men would spontaneously buy me flowers.

I would fall in love, be swept off my feet by a knight in shining armour and whisked off to his country pile/castle in the clouds.

We'd visit the theatre, frequent the opera and the ballet, dine in the finest restaurants and have a fully stocked wine wrack.

We'd stroll along the river on a Sunday afternoon before finding some fabulous little gastropub.

I wouldn't dream of going for a bra fitting without shaving my armpits. Or walk around with a mono-brow. There would be no chipped nail polish or dirty laundry strewn across the bedroom floor.

The house (4 bedrooms at least) would be immaculate, with a smattering of funky little design pieces from up and coming artists.

We would submerse ourselves in culture every weekend and be the toast of the town. We would be perfect hosts and friends would adore their visits with us.

But that's not real life really is it?

I read earlier today that apparently, 35 is the ideal age to be. You're almost at the peak of your earning potential (wtf?) and have achieved most of the major milestones (married, yes; children, yes; mortgage, yes).

So why do the husband and I feel so...unfulfilled? We adore our children, they really are the light of our lives. But...yet again, we're questioning 'is this it?' Even with our Great Escape Plan, we're floundering. Again. The Great Escape is still at least a year away and although we need to start putting some plans in motion soon (like the great decluttering project), we're twiddling our thumbs a bit. Stuck in limbo.

Even when I get the opportunity to go to the theatre or out for dinner, a part of me groans at the effort. I'd rather have husband cook me a bowl of pasta then curl up on the sofa to watch a film together. We're so tired from chasing our tails trying to juggle family life and work that even the thought of being sociable is just too exhausting.

I guess that's just reality for you. Boring but true.

Does anyone really live the dream?


  1. I think you put your finger on it when you questioned what the definition of success is. Maybe we are all looking for something that isn't there - I am the same searching for that moment in time where I will be successful and feel fulfilled. I suspect that this time won't exist until I am a withered old hag evaluating my life and as I take my last earthly breath I will realise that I had it all along and regret that I didn't enjoy it. Maybe we can do more feeling unfulfilled because we would just sit back drinking hot chocolate and eating custard creams and achieve very little:)

    1. Maybe we can achieve more if we never feel completely fulfilled - it certainly helps drive you.

  2. i think the dream changes. it doesn't stay what it was. it can't. I think you feel restless because you know what you want, but you're in a holding pattern, waiting for it to begin. and who says that right now a bowl of pasta and a snuggle w/a movie isn't precisely what you need.


    1. Thanks julochka - you're right, it does feel like we're in a never ending holding pattern. Expectations are funny old things.

  3. the dream never stays the same! we are both 35 and please don't say we are at the height of our earning potential:-)

  4. I'm not sure I know anyone living the dream - I keep wondering why life is so hard as a grown up, I thought it was supposed to get easier

    Hang on in there - have a plan to try and get out of the holding pattern even if it is only little steps or side steps

    Do wish the fairytale came true for us all though


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