Imprisoned by the the never ending rain, I had an interesting conversation with Bigger this afternoon. Maybe I read too much into it, but it's left me feeling reflective and introspective. A bit sad even.
Cuddled up on the sofa watching cartoons, I asked Bigger how he knew I loved him:
"Because you tell me every day..."
"Anything else? What else tells you I love you?"
"The toys you buy me"
So at the tender age of 6, he associates love with consumerism and verbal verification.
But how else would he know? What did I expect to hear from a 6 year old engrossed in Tom & Jerry?
To be honest, I'm not sure.
I'm very tactile with both my boys. Hugs, squeezes, holding hands, ruffling hair, cuddled up over a good book are all daily occurrences. I cuddle them both at every opportunity and tell them both how much I love and cherish them as often as I can.
We try to make our home a happy place. Home cooked family meals which we eat together whenever we can, sharing what's been good about our days every evening, silliness and giggles, tickles and daft jokes. We have our fair share of falling out, tears, tantrums, shouting. Normal family life I guess. There's nothing extraordinary about us. We're reliably boring.
We have family traditions that mark special occasions. Birthday bunting, celebration trifles or pancakes on a Sunday just because. And every night I kiss them both goodnight and whisper that I love them to the moon and back.
I hope that all these things help the boys feel loved.
When you're 6, I guess your world is pretty much ruled by wondering where your next Lego minifigure is coming from or whether you can convince your mum to finally relent and let you have jam sandwiches in your packed lunch (it's never gonna happen kiddo, accept it). Steve Backshall also figures quite prominently in the world of my 6 year old, but love? I don't think it's something he gives a second thought to.
And for that, I should be grateful. He's never had to doubt or question our love for him, so I'm guessing he doesn't look for proof. He doesn't feel the need to, he just know it. He feels it and that is enough.
I do hope that is the case. From the bottom of my heart and soul I hope it is.
Serves me right for trying to philosophise during cartoon time.