It's groundhog day round these parts at the moment. The illness that confined Mr to a hospital ward for the best part of 3 months last year, is back. With a vengeance.
I feel numb. Drained. Weakened by the thought of what possibly lies ahead.
It's by no means life threatening and we're incredibly lucky to have unlimited access to the drugs and medical expertise he needs.
But I'm frightened.
It's unusual to contract this twice unless there's an underlying problem with your immune system.
My more-than-the-average-person-but-not-in-possession-of-a-medical-degree knowledge of all things medical/pharmaceutical has run off into the woods screaming and imagining the worst.
My heart is trying to ignore her and is listening to Miss Optimistic. Or trying to at least. Thankfully Mr recognised the symptoms immediately. He tried to ignore them for a week or so but when it got too much he found a lovely GP who thankfully trusted his instincts and knowledge of his own body. So he's already been referred to a consultant and we should know more by early next week.
This is the bit I hate though. The waiting between appointments. Pinning your every hope on the next doctor/specialist/consultant. That they'll take one look at his notes, nod sagely and provide a very simple and benign explanation that will resolve the situation with the minimum amount of fuss.
The trouble is, the only people that seem to be experts on Mr's situation is him and me. The NHS is too overburdened to pay us much attention. As long as a limb isn't falling off or turning gangrenous, he tends to by gently sidelined with reassurance of "but you're so healthy otherwise", "your blood test are clear of any markers", "your pain is well controlled, so I don't think we need to worry too much"...
But I do worry. I'm not usually the worrier in this house. That's Mr's job. But when it comes to the Mr, right now, I'm worried sick.
Insomnia and comfort eating have reared their ugly heads. It's not a pretty sight.
Sorry lovely followers. That's not very entertaining reading for a Friday evening is it?
Normal service will, I hope, resume shortly.