Monday, 17 October 2011

Thinking beige thoughts on being 35

It was my birthday yesterday. I'm now officially in my mid-30's.

The day didn't quite turn out as planned due to unforeseen upper respiratory tract viral yukkiness, but my boys did manage to spoil me with breakfast in bed and some lovely presents.

But I feel a bit meh about being 35. I feel like I'm neither here nor there.

On the whole, I'm happy with my life and where I am. I have 2 beautiful boys, a husband that is my soulmate and partner in crime, we have a safe, dry roof over our heads, plenty of food in the cupboards and no other debts except from the mortgage. My husband and I both have jobs with decent salaries and our boys are fit and healthy with no major health worries.

So why do I feel a bit...I don't know...like an underachiever?

I feel like we should be living in a proper house by now and not our 2 bedroom flat. (Why? The boys share a bedroom happily and we have a garden and an allotment for outdoor space. Why do I feel we should live in a house? Why? Why?)

I also feel a bit like I've peaked already with regards to my job. I've fallen a bit out of love with it but just don't have the energy to make any changes at the moment. So I'm left feeling a bit...meh. This is the salary I earn and it will probably never increase by much. So where does that leave us financially? ...still in our 2 bedroom flat.

I guess I didn't think 35 would be so...beige.

Everything is nice and dandy and there's nothing wrong in particular, but I just feel all uninspired and...well... beige. Is this a mid-thirites crisis? Am I meant to go and buy a porsche or something?

But then, when I try and think about what and where I wanted to be by now I realize I have the important stuff already. My boys. Shouldn't that be enough? Why am I left wanting more?

I want to be happy with now. But I just can't seem to get enthusiastic about being beige.

3 comments:

  1. :( Sorry to hear you're feeling so flat. I hate that feeling so much, and find myself desperate for another life with more excitement. It always passes, though, but so tough while you're going through it.

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  2. I could have written exactly the same back in January when I turned 35 - for some reason 35 seemed to be the point at which I should have been a grown up. I've no idea why it is more important to be grown up at 35 than 34 but there you are

    Hang on in there - as the year has progressed I've finally realised that I'm happier in my skin at 35 than I ever was in my twenties. Who'd a thought it

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am 35 in December, not looking forward to it either

    ReplyDelete

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